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"GIVE UP UNREFUNDABLE VACATION & SANITY? HERE'S THE ANSWER!"

Dear Kathryn: Dear Kathryn: My miserly employers have not only succeeded in working me to death, now they're trying to steal my vacation and make me feel guilty about it.

Three months ago, I lost one of my right-hand programmers. My employer insisted we run ads even though the position's requirements are complicated and the last time we advertised, we came up with zero suitable candidates. I reminded my boss about this last experience, but the owners refused to go to a professional recruiter so that we could hire quickly. We've tried using temps to fill the gap while hiring the permanent candidate, but it was a disaster with the temps messing up more than they accomplished. The result has been three months of running ads, looking at hundreds of inappropriate resumes, and more then a dozen unqualified interviews. In addition, I've been working every weekend and endless days--unpaid, of course as I'm an exempt manager--because we had a long ago scheduled this conversion and there's no one else to handle it.

My vacation, planned two years ago is in one month. My boss has come to me, asking me to reschedule my two week unrefundable China tour. I told him that even if it was refundable, I've worked like a dog these last months and I need my sanity saved by this respite. He's all over my case, saying the company will reimburse me if I can't get my money back. I see this gesture as slave wages as I've been doing the job of two for the last three months anyway, getting no overtime wages while they haven't had to pay another employee!

My questions: How can I get these cheap, miserly owners to get real and understand that the talent we need just isn't getting here through their print and internet ads and they need to get some outside help? What can I do to save my vacation and sanity and not let them force me to give up my earned time? Do you think he'd fire me? I'm at the breaking stage here but want to make a sane decision.

PAUL T., Madison, CT

Dear Paul:

Your story is not an uncommon one, as employers many times think that every hiring need is resolved by placing a classified ad or internet board. In addition, as long as the worker bee (you) are there to handle the crisis, your boss/owners aren't personally suffering. You're exactly on point in calculating that your China vacation costs your employer less then the absent employee would have. Your efforts and work have already been done, however, so let's figure out where we go from here and make this work for you.

First, make a few calls to recruiters who could quickly bring to the interview table viable, qualified candidates, and get a handle on what the fee would be as well as how quickly you could interview. Schedule a sit down with the company's owners and be ready to present a few facts. First, tell your boss that you cannot work weekends as the toll its cost your family and personal life is irreplaceable.

Second, tell them that you need this vacation. As they knew about your planned vacation months ago when the vacancy first occurred, they should have planned earlier how they'd handle your department's activities. My first plan is to try and retain your planned vacation in the time frame you've scheduled.

Next, tell your employer of the availability of on-target experienced candidates through the recruiter. Remind them that their three months of ad costs and recruiting has yielded nothing. If your employer still refuses to move beyond advertising, tell him that is fine, however the unfilled position's workload is in his lap to resolve. The chance of him firing you in a fury given the stage your department is in is slim.

If your employer still rags you about forfeiting your vacation, present this--tell him the only way you'd consider that is if he pays upfront for your lost vacation's investment and half of the next one you'll plan to take in two months. Remind him however, you will not continue to do the seventy hour weeks as it will result in your not being capable of working at all, as burn out has already set in.

Three months is a ridiculously long time to spend money on ads while overworking and demoralizing a key employee. It's time your boss sees the light and the pressure you'll be applying is not unreasonable.

Good luck.

Dear Kathryn:

Here's a state of distress and vulnerability that I never thought I'd find myself in! My long time boyfriend, who works in a branch office of my employer, was visiting me late one night at the office. We got involved in a romantic interlude that normally we would never engage in. Horrible timing, however, as a lower level employee of mine caught us in the act. Our behavior was obviously unprofessional, but even worse, our company doesn't tolerate office romances, never mind sexual activity in the office.

Here's my huge problem. This person reports to me and another manager. She told me pointblank that she feels justified in being named for an upcoming higher level opening which I'm in charge of filling. I wasn't really considering her before and most definitely don't want to now. When I told her that the only "justification" to get this position is the best track record of the qualified candidates, she laughed and said her recent "vision" justified her qualifications. She said she thought upper management would be very interested in what she witnessed. Obviously, this is blackmail, and this little witch deserves to be terminated never mind, promoted. I am, however afraid of what her report would mean to my boyfriend's as well as my own job!

How should I handle this? I haven't slept in three nights.

COLLEEN D., Vernon, CT

Dear Coleen :

I can sense your fear from where I'm sitting. What you need to do, however is to respond to the situation honorably and cross your fingers your boss appreciates your coming clean.

Visit your boss and explain whom you've decided on for the promotion, backing it up with concrete reasons as to why you've made the decision you did.

Next, explain that you've been presented with an ultimatum from another employee that has threatened you if she were not the selected candidate for the promotion. Naturally your boss will be curious as to employee's threat, so don't wait for him/her to ask.

Volunteer that you inappropriately conducted yourself with your boyfriend in a once-only situation that you immediately recognized to be wrong and regretted. Explain the employee had witnessed this incident and approached you with her threat of "receiving the promotion or else." You feel only the most qualified should receive the promotion, and you put the company's needs ahead of the "blackmailing employee", even though you knew it would cost you your boss's respect for your judgment. The apology up front and the 'fessing up to your error should remove some of his/her fury with you. Hopefully the cost will not be more than the embarrassment.