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"EXTINGUISHED ROMANCE WITH BOSS SMOKES FUTURE JOB HUNT

Dear Kathryn:

Bad judgement in my personal life is now haunting my professional life. I stupidly got involved with the owner of the printing company where I was employed for twelve years. As I worked out of both the CT and Rhode Island offices, the affair was an on and off thing. It did not end in a good way and now, trying to get a reference from my longest place of employment is impossible.

I've called many times to get copies of my reviews and have received no return phone calls. Now that I'm interviewing, job applications ask if they can contact my employer and I'm scared to death to check "yes". I don't even know what to say as to why I left, as I really did love my job.

I'm determined to move on with a positive attitude but feel all the forces are working against me. Little did I realize that what I thought was a little bit of fooling around could end up costing me so much trouble. I can't believe I was so dumb! HELP.

CAROLINE P., Newington, CT

Dear

Your recognition that workplace romance can result in more problems than you imagined indicates your thinking's on the right track. Your concern about needing a reference from the employer for whom you worked for twelve years is also on target. While your former employer can easily avoid references requesting information, your ex-employer can't refuse your requesting a copy of your performance evaluations. Even though you've left your employer, CT State Statute Section 31-128 provides you the right to request a copy of your personnel file for the cost of copying. As you mentioned, you worked out of the Rhode Island location as well as CT.

I checked Rhode Island law as to your obtaining your performance evaluations. RI State Statute Section 28-6.4-1 is similar to CT's. It allows you to request the evaluations as well. Attorney George O'Brien of Tyler, Cooper & Alcorn suggests you send a written request for copies of your performance evaluations and plan on providing them at the time of your interviews.

Regarding your reason for leaving, indicate that while you very much enjoyed your job and the accomplishments you attained while with the company, you were ready to move on to new challenges and potentially a new industry. While your performance was excellent as can be verified by your reviews, and your personal romance should be of no concern to a future employer, potential employers may still want to speak to a supervisor from the company.

Do what you can to line up a few executives and even clients of the company to vouch for you. By providing the evaluations and a few reference names up front, there's a good possibility you can avoid any mention of the company owner. Good luck.

Dear Kathryn:

I feel our employees stay with us because we give good benefits and they're watching the economy. I'm starting to see the troops get restless now the economy's picked up and I can also smell turnover happening as soon as they've taken their summer vacations. Any advice or good books on how to head this off at the pass?

DOUG H., Southington, Ct

Dear Doug:

I just finished a read that stands out from the pack when it comes to advice-giving about getting your staff onboard your page. Check out Dick Richards's The Art of Winning Commitment. I appreciate it because it looks beyond the stereotypical formula of telling you what other business do. Instead, it talks about the competencies real leaders must have in order to get commitment from others. The specifics it provides makes for not only an interesting read, but strong, workable suggestions to that vital commitment from your employees. Check it out!

Dear Kathryn:

Dear Kathryn: Some may find this problem of ours to be inconsequential, but it's managed to an cause a bit of an uproar.

One well-performing employee has the habit of visiting the bathroom a minimum of eighteen times daily. Not only are the numbers of visits excessive, the time spent away from her desk is as well. It has irked the supervisors where they've complained to her and to me. As a result, I've now got twenty of her co-workers griping that she's getting ten times the breaks they get--because she's created them. Their displeasure is understandable, but I hesitate to get into a big brouhaha addressing this relatively minor and delicate issue.

I read your column religiously, Kathryn, and don't want to overstep my bounds and intrude on her personal problems. What can I do that will put a stop to this but not get myself and my employer into legal hot water?!

DEIDRE T., Vernon, CT

Dear Deidre:

Not only can I tell that you're a very astute person-after all, you read my column religiously-- but you're taking precautions before taking action. While this is a delicate subject, it's one that absolutely needs to be addressed.

First, create a paper trail of the bathroom breaks and the time taken. After this is done for a few weeks, follow the advice Attorney Henry Zaccardi shared with me and have a sit-down with the employee.

Zaccardi was specific as to what you should say to the employee and here it is-State that you've quantified the excessive bathroom visits as a serious problem as it takes her away from her desk and work. Tell her that this excessive time away from her work isn't acceptable and she needs to fix the problem. If she has a medical issue causing this problem, let her volunteer it, don't ask! If she does indicate it's a medical problem, ask for a doctor's verification. If verified, be aware that the employee may bring the Dept. of Labor to the case, given you're having a problem with her.

Be forewarned the DOL can issue an investigator to your office that may state you need to provide a reasonable accommodation for this person. Zaccardi feels a "reasonable accommodation" may mean letting them take the numerous bathroom breaks but clocking out for them.

No matter how you look at this, it's an issue with which you'll have to deal. The point is to calm the other employees while avoiding a legal mine field.