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Employment Today™


"OH! TO SEE YOURSELF AS OTHERS SEE YOU!"

Dear Kathryn:

If this isn't a case of blatant sexual discrimination, nothing is.

I've been vying for a management job within my division for ages now. I've proven myself again and again and finally thought my time had come. The selection came down between me, or a male co-worker who's been here less time, and who is definitely less skilled. After two rounds of executive level management grilling, the decision was announced. He was getting the division management job, the big money, duties and promotion.

I went crazy with disappointment and immediately confronted my boss, a decision-maker in this game, as to why I didn't get the promotion. His answer: I was emotionally lacking and that some inappropriate responses I had demonstrated in the past caused the executive management committee to swing their vote to my male co-worker.

When I asked him specifically to what he was referring, he brought up year old incidences. The first, when I cried a bit after a terrible confrontation with a client, and then a few door-slamming incidences after particularly stressful meetings. He also said that I had been "bitchy" in brain-storming sessions and "whining" when my ideas were shut down. He said that while I had a lot of potential and talent, female emotions demonstrated in that manner weren't qualities that spelled management material. I naturally was livid and not so quietly, left his office.

Clearly, Kathryn, this all-male executive management committee relied on the weakest of reasoning to pass me up and I'm not going to stand for it. When a male is staunch in their opinions and vocalize them they're seen as strong and authoritative. When a female speaks her piece in this company, it's labeled "bitchy" and whining. What can I do about this? Don't I have any legal backing here? He's slandering me by making these horrible comments, and actually causing me to PMS!

SUE T., New Haven, CT

Dear Sue:

I can appreciate your disappointment given your obvious efforts to excel and climb. While you'll probably like the legal response to your letter, you won't be as pleased with my advice.

As to your claim of "slander"; while your boss's presentation of your deficiencies was less then diplomatic, unless he announced why you didn't get the job in a room full of other people, your slander claim has no legs.

As to the potential of a successful legal claim, I called upon Attorney Brian Clemow to comment. Brain tells me that you have what lawyers refer to as a "colorful claim"-you actually might have some facts to support your claim. If you could identify situations where your company promoted males that exhibited similar behavior to the incidences your boss noted (crying, slamming doors etc.), and regardless, had been promoted, you'd have something. The terms in themselves, "bitchy" and "whiny" aren't gender specific and prove nothing.

Now, if your company can point to some objective reasons for choosing your male co-worker, (demonstrated accomplishments beyond what you've demonstrated, greater education etc.), they're in a pretty solid position. If after you've carefully examined your company's promotion history and are confident that you have verifiable facts in your favor, either call the CT Commission on Human Rights or your own attorney. For those of you in a similar situation in another state, MA has MCAD (MA Commission Against Discrimination) as does Vermont, NY, Rhode Island and PA.

Regardless of what you do with any legal claim, my suggestion is to honestly analyze your behavior and reactions and immediately start working on alternative ways to release your stress. Door slamming or crying wouldn't cut it in any company, including all female operations. Your responses to tough situations would not give any boss or staff a confidence in your levelheaded leadership abilities. Whatever your next step, don't make excuses for yourself and poo-poo your "female" responses as acceptable. They're clearly not getting you anywhere now and won't-at least not where anyone is seeking a professional role model.

Good luck.

Dear Kathryn:

I'm in a "damned if I do - damned if I don't" situation and don't know how to proceed.

I work for a small, yet very well respected engineering consulting firm. In order to earn more money and have the career opportunities and benefits I need, I've got to make the move to a larger firm.

I interviewed for an excellent firm that I've wanted to get into for ages. I got an invitation to come back for a final interview to meet the company's top decision-makers and life was good. The bomb dropped when the human resource person called and told me that in order for me to continue the interviewing process, I had to alert my current employer of my interviewing with them. They said they've had a very good relationship with my current employer and they don't want to be perceived to be "stealing" their employees. I asked the human resources rep how serious they are about hiring me and they said "serious", however nothing can be decided or offered until the final interview.

Should I risk telling my boss of my interest and intentions or am I crazy? I've been an excellent performer for seven years and think I've a good relationship with my boss. My problem is that if he is very upset with this news, I'm in deep trouble as I can't afford to be out of a job.

I feel doomed if I do and going nowhere if I don't.

ROB H., Providence, RI

Dear Rob:

Your situation is more common than some folks think. Businesses that refer work to each other frequently have spoken and unspoken agreements. Many will not hire each other's employees without both companies being aware of what's transpiring. While that's all good and fine for the employers, it does indeed put you in a very difficult position, as the outcome is unpredictable. Given your motivation to work for this company and the stage of interviewing you're already in, here's my suggestion.

Before leaking word of this to anyone in your company, you need to probe further and analyze how real the chances are of you landing this job. How many other candidates are final interviewing? Have you gotten into serious salary discussions to know they are on your page regarding compensation? Ask human resources where-specifically-- you stand on their short list of finalists. Find out how familiar the company's decision-makers are with your credentials and if they've any questions/issues with you and your qualifications. Ask that you be allowed to respond to their questions before you speak to your current boss.

While I can appreciate these employers' relationships, I suggest you counter the human resources rep with the request for a meeting with the key decision-makers prior to speaking to your boss. When and if both you and the decision-makers are serious about a real job offer, state that at that point you'd be happy to speak to your employer.

Remember, there is no guarantee of a job offer until the company states a firm dollar figure with a start date from an authorized person. If you're determined to follow this through even without another meeting cementing the seriousness of an offer, be ready for anything to come out of your broadcast to your boss. No matter how well you've performed for your current employer, there's no way to be certain as to how your employer will respond.