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"BETTER TO AGREE TO SUNDAY MEETINGS; JUST DON'T TOUCH MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!"

Dear Kathryn: I work for a leading home improvement retailer who has built a dog house for their employees.

They have this new policy where they have cut our weekday hours by two, just so that we haul our tails in on Sunday morning for a mandatory meeting. Well, I don't have to tell you how this has made my wife madder than a wet hen; my kids ticked as I couldn't run them to various sporting events, never mind my elderly mom. No more chauffeur for church services. I complained to my boss who said like and do it or quit.

While I would have given up my family's regular church going habit once in a while, I think this employer has no right to insist, after we're hired, to give up our Sunday routine. When I told my boss my pastor thought this to be disrespectful of my family's faith, he told me to go to services on Saturday night.

Where does the employer invasion into our lives stop? As it is I'm monitored like a rat in a lab during my work day. If I get fired because I won't do this Sunday's meeting, do I have any recourse?

PETE O., VERNON, CT

Dear Pete:

My news isn't good. Your religious commitment isn't mandatory in that you must attend Sunday services. Your boss isn't wrong when he says you could attend services on Saturday. Given this, your employer's requirement to have you attend the Sunday meetings isn't illegal or inappropriate.

If you were working six days and your boss insisted that you come in on Sundays as in a seventh working day, CT State Statute would protect you from being required to work a seventh day. That doesn't seem to be the case in your situation.

I wanted to respond to your inquiry as to what would happen should your employer terminate you due to insubordination (not coming in on Sundays.) I checked with Attorney Brian Clemow of Shipman & Goodwin in regards to this. He was confident that you could collect unemployment compensation, but certainly no settlement from a lawsuit.

Before jumping ship, know that this Sunday meeting thing may be a temporary requirement and the company may change this policy in a few months. Depending on what prompted the Sunday meetings to begin with may determine how long they'll be "mandatory."

While you can start looking around, if you have good tenure, a job you like, a salary and benefit package that's fair, you might want to sit it out for a while. Just as there's no perfect employee, mate or child, there's no perfect employer. You're bound to find something else disagreeable with your next one. They might require Monday night--prime football night--meetings!

Dear Kathryn:

I'm starting a new job after having been with the same employer for over twelve years. I feel like a nervous school girl going into junior high school, heading south instead of north for my commute, a different work environment and culture. I'm determined to be a success in this new company but your words of wisdom on survival in this new jungle would greatly be appreciated.

ELLIE N., Bolton, CT

Dear Ellie:

Smart to envision yourself there, Ellie, and given your proactive and positive attitude about succeeding, I've no doubt you will do just fine. Here are some additional suggestions that will help.

-Thinking day one, let's start with the obvious. Remember the company's style. What did the people with whom you interviewed, wear? What did they seem to emphasize about the culture and work environment? While you are an individual and you don't need to change your unique style, it helps to bridge a new relationship with bosses and peers by first looking like you fit in. In the workplace of chinos and polo shirts, a very dressy suit will make you a standout from the rest, and not very comfortable.

-Step lightly with imprinting your own personality on the workplace. A lot of people either lean towards being very inhibited and shy, causing others not to seek them out and chat them up. Some tend to be overbearing and aggressive. Bag the aggressive style, for sure, and listen more than you talk. If you're on the other end of being too quiet, remember peers don't have an obligation to make you feel part of the team, you have a responsibility to show that you're flexible and fit in.

-Please, forget about ever bringing up-- "we did it this way in that company, or, in my old job, we never did that!" You are no longer anywhere but right here and your boss and co-workers do not care nor want to hear how you did it before. Stifle yourself and your suggestions early in the game, listen and do things their way. You've plenty of time to analyze the efficiency and make recommendations after you prove you've done it their way.

-Don't look negatively at any duty assigned to you. Approach all of your new responsibilities with interest... Even those that are boring and seem trivial, your positive, eager and upbeat approach will give those around you the message that you're open and flexible. It doesn't mean you have to settle for taking on tasks no one else wants (you weren't hired getting a good paycheck just to do grunt work), but give it time.

-Wait at least three weeks before griping about anything. If your boss requests a sit-down and you have issues with training you're getting, duties you expected, or overload you didn't expect, mention it then, but do so with an open attitude. Remember you're not trained in three weeks, and what seems strange or a heavy load now will change. The industry and department cycle as well as confidence your boss will gain about you will alter your duties.

Last but not least, expect it will be six months before you feel like this is your new home. This gives you enough time to acclimate, prove yourself and figure out how best to promote your new talents.